le bar
Your chat has been talking about you.
Upload a chat export. One of the regulars reads every message and writes the report — who carries the group, who ghosts, when it all shifted. With receipts, quoted.
Free report · parsed in your browser · never stored
From a real sample report · by Bruno
The Greatest Excuse Ever Typed, and Its Immediate Execution
Let me walk you through the four-day arc of a fifty dollar venmo.
omg I thought I sent it. omw to my phone rn
you are ON your phone
The regulars
Not one voice for everything — the right reader for each chat.
Bruno
Group & family chats
The loud one. Fond of everyone. Spares nobody.
“Jordan has typed ‘omw’ fourteen times this year and arrived on time twice. I counted. That's the kind of bar this is.”
Vera
Relationships · exes · you
The neutral witness. No cruelty. Lands on what actually happened.
“In March your replies took four minutes. By June, three hours. Nobody said anything. The messages did.”
Klaus
arrives in SeptemberWork chats
Dry. Unimpressed. Fluent in corporate.
“‘Just circling back on this :)’ — a third reminder. Patience exhausted. The smiley is a threat.”
What happens at le bar stays at le bar.
Your chat is never stored
Parsed in your browser, held in memory only while the report is written, then gone. It never touches a database.
Names never reach the AI
Every name and number becomes an anonymous token before analysis. Real names return only in your finished report.
Delete means delete
One button on every report, zero questions asked. Untouched reports erase themselves after 30 days.
And what we'll never ask for: your phone number, photos of your friends, or an account. Some services want all three before showing you a single written word. We'd rather show you the writing.
Three moves
- 1
Export your chat
WhatsApp today — Telegram & Instagram soon. Two taps.
- 2
The regular reads it
All of it. Every 'omw'. Every left-on-read.
- 3
The report lands
Free, shareable, and a little too accurate.